Thoughts Spilling Out Of My Head

I think of myself as too intelligent for my peers most of the time...which can be somewhat compromising in social situations. I feel that people can't keep up with me and always have; but not in a jaded way. I'm patient and understanding but also cautious when someone tells me that I'm "not up to par", if you will, with their understandings on specific things, such as political, religious and household affairs (like being energy efficient). Not that I don't respect any of those feelings, especially the last part (sounds dumb and non-important right?)
I shouldn't have to apologize on the way I feel. I'm human and that's realistic. I'm sometimes too sensitive, but I'm working on that. It's hard to detach myself - sometimes I'm too serious.
I don't see these as things that are intimidating, as some have called these traits to my personality.

People who know me well will tell you that I'm not religious, but I usually know more than they do when it comes to detailed descriptions on specific subjects on the topic. Again with the "intimidation". How droll.
I don't feel that that there are many people that can share my thoughts on these subjects because they don't have a "world concept", world perspective or simply don't care.

When it comes to dating, my romantic relations always tell me that they think I'm attractive, sweet, sensitive, worldly, carnally inclined, graphic, yet mature for my age. Sounds great; until they throw the maturity in my face. An example being that I look younger to most than my actual age and when my humorous side pops up in a conversation, they disregard my thoughts as a "result of my age". When it's said in that context, those that I involve myself with in romantic relationships make the point that I am still "immature" or "naïve" - which makes me feel unimportant or someone to not regard as intelligent on their "level" of understanding - which can be irritating. The last thing that someone wants to hear is that your thoughts are dismissed as soon as they escape your lips. o_0

[Playing piped in music of "That's What I Get" by Nine Inch Nails off of the album Pretty Hate Machine via iTunes - how interesting.]

Maybe I need to stop looking for relationships with men that tend to be older than myself, I've never dated anyone in the same age range as myself and avoid controversial questions or dumb myself down when someone asks a question on aesthetics for now on.


Interesting song I found in my music library a few days ago and thought I'd share...

"A Boy (Teenage Sex Slave Mix)" by Leatherstrip

Standing on a corner in the dirty part of town
Wearing close to nothing while the rain is pouring down
Thinking on his past and of why he ended here
Mom and Dad they kicked him out when they learned that he was queer
A boy, a life, a home, a future

At 14 he was on the street with nothing but his name
He quickly learned what he should do to live through all his pain
The men who picked him up didn't care about the boy
When the deed was done he was like a broken toy
A boy, a life, a home, a future

After months of rape and tears he had to get away
It is very hard to always be the hunters' prey
He really tried to get away from all this fucking harm
But all he ended up with was a needle in his arm
A boy, a life, a home, a future

Proto-goth? Is that a genre?

This collection runs the gamut from "batcave" (Alien Sex Fiend) to "death-rock" (Lords of the New Church) to the "wave with no name" (Echo and the Bunnymen) to Lydia Lunch (try categorizing her music, I dare you).

This comp predates and in many ways far surpasses all three 2-CD sets in Mick Mercers Gothic Rock collections despite having only half as many discs. Going from Bolshoi's soft, almost pop version of "Lindy's Party" to Lydia Lunch's industrial/noise opus "Stinkfist" to Faithful Dawns oh-so-goth "Enchant Me" and Scarehead's downright fun ode to insanity, "Ha Ha" and Ghost Dances cover of "Radar Love" this comp proves that yes, there *was* Gothic rock before London After Midnight and no, it didn't all sound like Siouxsie Sioux or Bauhaus.

While the biggest "monsters" of Goth on this compilation are Alien Sex Fiend and Valor's incarnation of Christian Death, like the hair metal comp of similar moniker most of these guys are titans by association (Ghost Dance is compiled of former members of the Sisters of Mercy) and influence to the modern bands.

An excellent choice for those disoriented with modern Goth music and have heard all sorts of rumors about what it was like before Projekt, Metropolis in the US and Out Of Line Records in Germany and the EU.

"9" The Movie by Shane Acker [Produced by Tim Burton]

I enjoyed it like everything else Tim Burton has his fingers in but I was somewhat disappointed with the character build up.

Without being a spoiler, Tim helped produce it so it's not directly his stuff but is reminiscent of his work. Tim liked the short film that the movie is based off of:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9_(2005_film)

Here's a high resolution of the original short film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp3T0qjY04Y

(You can watch the original w/out ruining the movie version because they are completely different.)

Like most of this genre of film, it has to do with gaining/regaining/learning some part (or all) of the inner working of the humanity of a character (i.e. Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc.)

It was good, I'll give it that - but there needed to be more character background/build up because without that type of connection with the character(s) it makes the movie, once you finished it seems like an extended short film - which I enjoy, but I was under the impression that I was going to have the satisfaction of feeling "whole" in seeing a "movie" - story, background, audience connection, et al.

4 Stars. Could have been a 5 easily.
I look forward to seeing more stuff by Shane Acker though, pretty promising fellow.

Check out Mr. Acker's website: http://www.shaneacker.com/
Note: Picture is from the original short film.

[Excerpts] Beyond Good And Evil, Part Four [1886]

Beyond Good And Evil/Part Four/Epigrams And Interludes

by Friedrich Nietzsche
1886
Excepted notes for Project Waveform
English Translation available for free download here:
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4363
Original version available for free download here:
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/7204
English audio-book available for free download here:
http://librivox.org/beyond-good-and-evil-by-friedrich-nietzsche

88
One begins to mistrust very clever people when they become embarrassed.

91
So cold, so icy that one burns one's finger's on him! Every hand is startled when touching him. - And for that very reason some think he glows.

92
Who has not, for the sake of his own reputation - sacrificed himself once? -

97
What? A great man? I see only the actor of his own ideal.

98
If we train our conscience, it kisses us until it hurts us.

104
Not their love of men but the impotence of their love of men keeps the Christians of today from - burning us.

106
In music the passions enjoy themselves.

111
Our vanity is hardest to wound when our pride has just been wounded.

113
"You want to prepossess him in your favor? Then pretend to be embarrassed in his presence - "

118
There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has never yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.

128
The more abstract the truth is that you would teach, the more you have to seduce the senses to it.

129
The devil has the broadest perspectives for God; therefore he keeps so far away from God - the devil being the most ancient friend of wisdom.

132
One is punished for one's virtues.

133
Whoever does not know how to find the way to his ideal lives more frivolously and impudently than the man without an ideal.

146
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

152
"Where the tree of knowledge stands, there is always Paradise": thus speak the oldest and the youngest serpents.

153
Whatever is done from love always occurs beyond good and evil.

156
Madness is rare in individuals - but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule.

157
The thought of suicide is a powerful comfort: it helps one through many a dreadful night.

161
Poets treat their experiences shamelessly: they exploit them.

166
Even when the mouth lies, the way it looks still tells the truth.

167
In men that are hard, intimacy involves shame - and that is precious.

168
Christianity gave Eros poison to drink; he did not die of it but degenerated - into a vice.

169
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.

176
The vanity of others offends our taste only when it offends our vanity.

181
It is inhuman to bless where one is cursed.

185
"I don't like him." - Why? - "I am not equal to him." - Has any human being ever answered that way?

Camera [Obscura]

Je me demande ce que serait ma vie, et ne ressemblent à d'autres personnes. Je me demande s'ils ont pris des décisions différentes de celles que j'ai, et si elles auraient été meilleures que celles que j'ai faites. Si la notion de vies antérieures sont vrai, cela doit avoir été magnifique et étrange.
Je ne semblent jamais être en mesure de «prendre de l'avance". Peu importe le bien, et je ne me sens que, parfois, que je suis rayonnante de bonté. Je ne suis pas prétentieux. Je me soucie réellement de la population de ma vie que je suis venu en contact avec. Ma famille, mes amours, amis et connaissances, tous d'eux.
Pourquoi dois-je vivre cette vie qui est constamment remplie de turbulences? Je sais que la vie est un drame permanent ... mais quand puis-je descendre du bord, et dans ce que je crois que ma vie devrait être?
Ce fut un long chemin dans cette vie pour moi jusqu'ici. Les crises cardiaques, les drames familiaux, les secrets, les abus et les amoureux de la tricherie, et puis il ya le gars une bonne chose que j'ai rencontrés - qui va mourir dans un délai de dix ans ...
Ma vie est extrême et j'espère qu'il sera bientôt sous contrôle, avant qu'il n'atteigne un stade critique et je n'en peux plus et je m'engage. Je sens les choses deux fois mon âge et nous avons vu, les choses connu que beaucoup ne peuvent comprendre.
Je suis tendre la main pour vous et je sais que personne ne me soutiennent que fermer pendant un temps très long.
Je ne veux pas de ta pitié, je veux juste dehors...

I really don't know how to respond. Just watch.

Free Advertisment for the KKK?

I usually support independent media sources, but I was shocked at what I saw a newspaper from a local town in my area.

You can see the original posting here.

The issue that I have is not the reporting of the issue but the fact that they actually included the actual contact information for this hate-mongering organization bold-faced on the
FRONT PAGE OF THE PAPER!

Note: The picture included in this blog posting was edited in under a minute via PhotoShop on my computer literally under one minute.

After doing some research I decided to get speak up. I called The American Civil Liberties Union and they were appalled but were unable to help due to financial limitations.
The NAACP in New York has yet to return my phone call.
The National Resource Center for the Healing of Racism is currently the most cooperative and is currently doing some research on this as we speak.

I'll keep you posted on the results.